Tag Archive for 'Australian Jokes'

Copper Wire Discoveries

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Brits, in the weeks that followed, an American archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story was published in the New York Times: “American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the British”.

One week later, the Bulletin, in Queensland, reported the following: “After digging as deep as 30 feet in his backyard in Townsville, Lucky Simelane, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely f–k all. Lucky has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Australia had already gone wireless.”

Just makes you bloody proud to be an Aussie!

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New Australia Map

Australian Blogs, Australian Map, Map Of Australia, Australian Dangers

Thematic Australian Map

The following were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold) for cretins!

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Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (  UK ).

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
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Australian Emoticons

Today’s post is from Gavin Bukett, the Gourmet Guardian. We all know those cute little computer symbols called ‘emoticons,’ where:

:) means a smile and

:( is a frown.

Sometimes these are represented by

:-)

:-(

Well, how about some ‘Aussicons?’

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Australian Jokes

Questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and – obviously – the answers came from fellow Aussies. Trust me, you’ll laugh out so you’d better not be reading this at work!

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them
die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney – can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it’s only three thousand miles, take lots of water…

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So its true what they say about Swedes.

Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)
A: Let’s not touch this one.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: And your last slave died of……..?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which does not… oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions.

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Australian Government Joke

Please do not click through if you are offended by four letter words – this was just too funny not to pass on…

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