Julia Gillard, the Prime Minister of Australia and David Cameron, her British counterpart, are shown a time machine which can see 100 years into
the future.

They both decide to test it by asking a question each.

Julia goes first. “What will Australia be like in 100 years time”

The machine whirrs and beeps and goes into action and gives her a printout, she reads it out

“The country is in good hands under the new Prime Minister, crime is non-existent, there is no conflict, the economy is healthy. There are no worries”

David thinks “Its not bad this time machine, I’ll have a bit of that” so he asks “What will Great Britain be like in 100 years time?”

The machine whirrs and beeps and goes into action, and he gets a printout.

But he’s just staring at it.

“Come on David” says Julia, “What does it say”

David replies, “I’m buggered if I know, it’s all in Mandarin”

Joke supplied by Patricia Murray of Positive Life Coaching

Thematic Australian Map

The following were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold) for cretins!

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Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (  UK ).

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
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Australia Post have created and marketed a new stamp displaying a picture of the current Prime Minister of Australia, Ms Julia Gillard.

The prime minister had requested a recall of the stamps following concerns that they weren’t sticking.

Australia Post recently suspended a recall of the stamps after the findings of a special Senate Committee were released.

The Prime Minister was told that the stamp was not sticking to envelopes and the enraged Prime Minister demanded a full investigation.

After a month of testing and spending of $1.85 million, a special Senate Committee led by the leader of the Greens, Bob Brown, presented the following findings -

1. The stamp is in perfect order.
2. There is nothing wrong with the adhesive.
3. People are spitting on the wrong side of the stamp.

If you’ve never seen this uniquely Australian phenomenon, watch the video and be amazed at what Mother Nature can create… Gives a whole new meaning to “Cloud Surfing”.

Australian Cloud Formations

I teach clients presentation skills in a variety of programs and events. I often explain that it’s best to tell it like it is… But this example takes the cake.

Major General Peter Cosgrove was interviewed on the radio recently.

Read his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children.

Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you have to love this! This is one of the best comeback lines of all time.

In a portion of an ABC radio interview between a female broadcaster and General Cosgrove who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military Headquarters.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
We’re going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Shooting! That’s a bit irresponsible, isn’t it?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don’t see why, they’ll be properly supervised on the rifle range.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Don’t you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

GENERAL COSGROVE:
I don’t see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
But you’re equipping them to become violent killers.

GENERAL COSGROVE:
Well, Ma’am, you’re equipped to be a prostitute, but you’re not one, are you?

The radiocast went silent for 46 seconds……..

These questions are from potential visitors to Australia. They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have am Aussie sense of humor.

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney – can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it’s only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/ gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets, especially The Taipans.

I had the pleasure of spending a few days in the Barossa Valley and came across this sign at the Whistler Vineyard. Priceless Aussie Slang!

Bloody Big Dam Walk - Tell it like it is!

The reason we were there is because they have a Kangaroo sanctuary where young orphans are brought and cared for. Our favorite was “Buttons”…

Buttons - The orphaned Kangaroo at the Whistler Vineyard sanctuary

As Australians we are proud of our landmarks – especially the Sydney Opera House.

Here is a time lapse to give an insight into the incredible week-long construction of the Opera House cake. Watch as the monolithic, chocolate-brown structure transforms into the alabaster iconic Opera House. Like little worker bees inside a hive, this glimpse inside the Planet Cake kitchen shows how hard Paris and the volunteers worked, every step of the way. I

t is incredible to see a weeks worth of work in a short snapshot like this. It is a privilege to get a behind the scenes look inside Australia’s Number One cake kitchen, Planet Cake.

Petrol prices got you down? Maybe this gauge would be more appropriate! I don’t think it’ll make you feel better, but at least it’s more accurate!

This is a photographer shared with me, Max Ucherek of Sydney….

“I always tell the story that I’m only really working as a photographer when I’m pressing the shutter button, all the rest is idle or down time. The exposure time normally only lasts 1/250 sec and if I take 1000 photos at a typical wedding I’m really only doing 4 seconds of work. The rest of the time I’m just having a chat or waiting for the next photo opportunity. Charging $2000 for a normal day:  $2000 / 4 seconds works out at $1.8 million per hour. I’m cheap at half that rate.”

“If I use an exposure setting of 1/1000 of a second I’ve just quadrupled productivity or my $ rate but I don’t want customers to think that they are not getting their money’s worth of my time.”

The Internet is full of spam – most of it useless ads for viagra and other sexual dysfunctions. But some spam is junk mail people with nothing better to do than sending it to all their so-called ‘friends’…

Then there is the pearl that rises above it all – the gem that shines bright as something different, unique and special.

Today’s blog post is one such gem – a collection of the best photos from National Geographic for 2010. It was sent to me by Toni Fitzgerald of Purpose Marketing in Sydney.

I posted them on my iWeb Antimimeticisomorphism site that you can access by clicking the hyperlink.

Once there, click on Cool Photos and scroll to the bottom, where you’ll find the album of the photos.

So that’s today’s quick lesson – collect content from ALL sources. Pay it forward by giving your sources valuable link juice and entertain your readers all at the same time.

It’s a win-win-win proposition!

This one’s a little silly, but it is so funny… Enjoy it compliments of  Gavin Altus, Executive Manager Development at Engineering Education Australia. Gavin’s a very serious guy, but he also has a great sense of humour. I agree this one’s on the silly side, but original enough to share!

Easter Bunnies

The other day I needed to go to the public hospital but not wanting to sit there for 4 hours, I put on my blue jacket and pinned on a plastic ID card that I had made off the Internet onto the front of my jacket.

When I went into the hospital, I noticed that 3/4 of the people got up and left.

I guess they decided that they weren’t that sick after all.  I cut at least 3 hours off my waiting time.

Feel free to use it the next time you’re in need of quicker emergency service.

It also works at Centrelink. It saved me 2 hours.

At the Laundry, three minutes after entering, I had my choice of any machine, most still running.

Don’t try it at McDonald’s or Hungry Jack’s though…..

The whole staff disappeared and l never got my order !!!!!…

We all need to do our share of keeping this beautiful country clean. Clean Up Australia Day is a great initiative that you should seriously consider participating in.

T other
E veryone
A chieves
M ore

Every blogger wants more traffic to his or her site. So how do you get it? Simple – give people a REASON to come to your site.

Find something interesting, intriguing or even funny and share it with them. Create an experience that readers want to have. When you maintain that level of quality, you’ll be rewarded with loyalty and the free organic traffic will flow to your blog effortlessly.

My gift for you today is the cover of a recent Economist Magazine – the magazine read by more millionaires than any other publication in the world!

I bet you didn’t know that. That’s what you need to do – EDUCATE and INFORM your readers and a little humour like this doesn’t hurt either! 

State Of The Union 2011 - The Economist Magazine Cover

Santa Claus delivers all over the world. However, when he comes to the land down under, his strategy changes a little to accommodate local requirements!

Last month, an important a world survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:
“Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?”

The U.N. Survey was a HUGE failure because of the following: Read More »»

After Monday and Tuesday…
even the calendar says

W T F

If you come across funny jokes like this – please forward them on to us so we can share them with our readers!

The Australian Medical Association has weighed in on the previous Rudd health care proposals.

The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.

The Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception.

Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.

Pathologists yelled, “Over my dead body!” while the Pediatricians said, “Oh, Grow up!”

The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it.

Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.

The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the

Plastic Surgeons said, “This puts a whole new face on the matter….”

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were p#ssed off at the whole idea.

The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn’t have the heart to say no.

In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to all the ####holes in Canberra.

I’ve blogged about this before. The only way you can get more people to read your blog is to keep giving them value. Today’s post was sent to me by Doggy Day Care Owner, Bree Robbins of Paddington Pups. You judge for yourself how totally cool this is…
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